


Forget Me Not

by Fleeting_Eternity



Category: Deidara - Fandom, DeidaraxOC - Fandom, Naruto
Genre: Emo, F/M, First Person, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-06 16:03:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16835926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fleeting_Eternity/pseuds/Fleeting_Eternity
Summary: Deidara's thoughts and feelings during the events between seeing his childhood friend up until the 4th great Ninja war breaking out.He yearned for her to forget about him, hate him, despise him. Yet..why is he so unsatisfied..?





	Forget Me Not

**Author's Note:**

> This is all in Deidara's point of view and all his thoughts and feelings.

I didn't really know how much I really cared about you..Hikaru until it was too late.

When I first saw you again. I just had to make sure it was you. You had grown up a lot in these past couple of years. You wore your hair long with your bangs covering half your face. I wanted to meet you again, talk to you..but unfortunately we could never go back to being the friends that we were in Iwagakure.

We could never go back..

You were impatient, fussy,you got angry with extreme ease. You never really did have a lot of patience to begin with did you?

Though I was so passionate about my art and it was all I talked about. And Though you never really understood why I said that, or at least, not in the moment.Still though you never shunned me for it.

I'm sure I annoyed you a lot.

I saw the light in your eyes shine at seeing me again, you were shocked. Happy even. You tried hard not to smile but it curled up your lips. You could never hide your smiles..even now.

I didn't smile, I didn't acknowledge you. I tried to pretend you weren't there. You were with the annoying Jinjuriki and the rest of his team. I had to keep my composure. Besides that, I was on a mission. And that always comes first.

I could feel you trying to reach out to me. You knew who I was. And yet you still tried..acted like I was still the very same Deidara you became close with. You were so naive..

How stupid..

" _Get lost would you..hm.."_

Although I seemed so cold at first, like I didn't care about much. I was happy when you furrowed your eyebrows and looked at me with disdain.

Perhaps it was because I saw how much you have grown up. How you have grown in your strength.The Academy had done wonders for you.

" _Deidara why.."_

Your lips quivered as you asked me with so much hurt in your voice.

Its not that I didn't want to explain why..its just that there would be no point. What would you gain from it?

Why are you hurting yourself like this..why are you in denial. You have to know..

I'm sorry that I have to break you like this. But it is for the best,really...

I'm talking to you even though I know you aren't listening. It's really dumb right?

But I must acknowledge that it puts me at ease a little bit. Even if I am just talking to myself.

It's keeping me sane right now.

After our previous encounter I had not seen you for several months it seems. I missed your face. Your long flowing brown locks. What are you doing right now?

Do you hate me yet..? do you despise me? Do you wish I were dead? I need you to get to that point. I want you to forget about me.

Forget about me. But I wont forget about you.

It's hard for me to admit that I miss you sometimes. Being apart of the Akatsuki for many years I've grown costumed to shutting off all my emotions. Only showing the ones that benefit me in the long run. They only see my arrogant, stubborn side.

But you know them all.

I've just recently lost my current partner. I use to call him 'dana' but his name was sasori and he was an artist as well but in a whole different way that I never agreed on. We would often bicker back and forth as to which way of art was true. One single moment, or eternal.

Our leader insisted that I couldn't do things well enough so he gave me a new partner and half the time I wanted to blow his brains out.The annoying, overly excited Tobi..

ugh, just the thought of the masked man was enough to give me a headache.

If you thought I was annoying..you got another thing coming. You wouldn't have enough patience to deal with the likes of this numskull. You'd kill him if given the chance.

I spend more time in my room now than I have in the past. Ever since our encounter with each other I haven't wished to be around the others. I focus on creating new, greater art that I can use in my next missions ahead. I will make them all cower at the mention of my name. I will be something they never can erase from their minds.

Nobody will ever underestimate my art again, hm.

You were the only person who ever really let me banter on about my passion. You didn't shut me out. You just listened even though you didn't have a clue. You were so open minded...

What do you think of me now?

Do you hate me yet..?

Hikaru..?

I was prepared to end it all. I couldn't stand the though of losing yet again to those damn Uchiha. I still hated Itachi for being one..I hated him for being an Uchiha, both him and Sasuke... those eyes...those damn sharingan..

The thing that could never see the true beauty of my art..

But you..You saw it. Though you were an Uchiha you were never given those eyes. You were the only one I didn't hate. I didn't loath you at the mention of your family name. You are nothing like those two.

And you never would be.

But as it turns out..for years you were hiding something. I never would have guessed..maybe I just never paid enough attention. The Rinnegan..you wore so well placed on your right eye you revealed to me.

Hikaru..how did you achieve that..? what happened? I wanted to ask you, but couldn't.

I could barely manage to look at you. Maybe for the fact that I was ungrateful for your efforts to save me from committing suicide. You thought you were doing me a favor..though I didn't see it that way. I was angry, disgusted..you got in my way.

I again..said a lot of things that hurt you. You took many years of my abuse towards you..

Why are you still letting me do this to you?

Why do you still care about me?

But all of the compassion you ever had in your heart quickly diminished. It was gone. Just like that.

I felt it now. You finally hate me now.

This is what I wanted from you. I wanted you to break ties with me from the very start. I wanted this for years..but why now..does it hurt so much?

When...you left..I felt horrible. I can't exactly explain how I felt specifically, but I knew my heart ached, as if someone strangling it with so much strength that it could burst at any moment.

I should've stopped you, Hikaru...

But I sat there..like a coward who just got caught doing something he shouldn't have.

I'm pathetic..aren't I..?

To be truthful the only things I thought I could ever care about was my art. The one thing that drove me from the beginning. To prove m yworth. But now, I am not sure anymore..

You are art, Hikaru, you are the art the my eyes were blind to see.And you were an instant, the most beautiful, the most brilliant art I had..and it wasn't even mine.

And It would never be mine.

You were gone..and I was now alone with my thoughts, to think back on everything we had ever been through. For the first time in years..I felt regret. I regretted every decision I ever made involving the damn Akatsuki.

Your feelings towards me are valid, I have no room to complain.

I only do hope..you could possibly forgive me. I knows it's something difficult to ask of you, but I couldn't bare you not looking at me.Even if it's with disgust.

Nothing will separate me from you Hikaru...not even death.

In this moment..these harsh moments with us..I realized the only thing I ever wanted was for you to love me. I feel that all along, this what I truly wanted..

I would deny it to anyone else..hell I don't even think I would tell you..the one person who needs to hear it.

The love I have for my art, my passion..right now dulls in comparison to the one I have for you, Hikaru.

I look back to our day's in Iwagakure, you were my only true friend..you were the first person to accept me, help me improve. You praised my art so highly and always wanted to see me create more. You were always there..

I love you, Hikaru. With a love so real, so unique, and one that would last even in death. I should have told you this..I should have told you everything..because one day you would leave, that you wouldn't be by my side forever.

I held you so tightly in my grasp, my tears dripping onto your soft face. My hands were stained with your blood. I felt weak, vulnerable,helpless and I couldn't stand it.

I got you the help you needed, I had never prayed a day in my life until today. If there were such a thing as a higher power I would hope that they would give you another chance in this life. I begged and begged in my head till I sounded like a broken record.

I couldn't let you go. I wasn't going to live in this world without you. I'll be damned if I let that happen.

They refused to let me see you, they wouldn't so much as let me through into the closed tent you were being operated in. I was impulsive and they were in my way. I fought hard, screamed a few times. I had to get in there to be with you.

I wasn't going to let you go through pain alone again..not again.

I collapsed myself at your bedside just moments after being let know of your current condition. You were okay. And it was the best news I heard in a long time. I was grateful.

I came apart at your sleeping form, watching you breathe was a relief.

You were still here, you were with me..

I squeezed your hand gently, feeling your pulse beating against my palm. I smiled with joy and then somehow I started crying hysterically. Was it the buildup of emotions I suppressed for so long..? were they now just coming out?

My memories invaded me. Our memories. It's something annoying, I have to admit, but I like it. I like the fact that I haven't been able to forget about you. Though I tried to in the past.

But now..I wanted to relish in our memories..and possibly create new ones. If that's alright with you..?

I caressed my hand to your cheek, tangling my fingers into your warm brown hair.

Tell me something..Hikaru..what do you I mean to you..?

Do I still cross your mind..?

I wanted to hear your answer, I had to know. I could feel it eating away at me.

I needed to know everything.

I pressed my forehead, firmly against yours.

_Dei.._

Once again I begin to love that dumb nickname.

Just like that my heart begins racing, I stare down at you. Feeling myself grinning.

Your eyes were half open, staring up at me.

_Why are you crying Deidara..?_

I shook my head, with a soft smile, keeping my hand still in place with your cheek.

_It's nothing Hikaru, don't worry.._

I reassured.

I expected her to avoid my expression, to avoid me completely. But to my surprise she pulled me close, hugging me tightly.

_I missed you, Deidara.._

Her words made me melt, I nestled my face into her neck wanting to be in her arms forever.

I wasn't going to leave. I'm never leaving you again. I would go into the farthest depths of hell for you as long as you were standing on the other side waiting for me.

Thanks for never giving up on me Hikaru, though I don't deserve you..I'm still glad you think I do.

_I missed you too, hm._


End file.
